Don't Tread on My Drinking

As a casual drinker of beer…ok…a frequent drinker of beer, I was extremely disappointed to hear about the Oklahoma beer laws. According to Wikipedia (and a just as frustrated co-worker) any beer with more than a 3.2% alcohol content which is every beer I consume can not be sold chilled and ready to drink. Chilled and ready to drink is the ONLY way I purchase my beer. I’m typically making my packy runs on the way to the party. What’s that you say people of Oklahoma? You have no idea what a “packy run” is? Well that’s a topic for a different blog.

So am I forced to drink warm beer every time the mood for a 6-pack (or 30 pack) suddenly strikes me? Absolutely not! The kind people of Oklahoma have provided me with chilled beer in grocery stores and convenience stores…but specially brewed with only a 3.2% alcohol content.

Now the most offensive thing about this entire situation besides the watered down beer thing of course, is that I got a close up look at this 3% beer a few days ago and there is NO WARNING LABEL! Maybe something along the lines of “Warning, this beer will probably not get you intoxicated.” is in order.

I think I’ll stick with the warm beer and hope those package stores are smart enough to stock lots of ice.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_laws_of_Oklahoma

http://www.alcoholcontents.com/beer/beer.htm

Walmart Capital of the World?

A quick search on the Walmart website shows me that (gasp) there are 16 Walmarts in Oklahoma City. With only 550,000 people living here that is roughly a Walmart for every 34,000. Is this normal? Let's take a random look at some other cities:

Walmart Capital of the World OKC: 16 Walmarts - 1 per 34,000 people

Denver: 2 Walmarts - 1 per 305,000 people
St Louis: 1 Walmart - 1 per 354,000 people
Phoenix: 11 Walmarts - 1 per 145,000
OK, so let's look a little further south:
Houston: 15 Walmarts - 1 per 153,000 people
Atlanta: 4 Walmarts - 1 per 135,000 people
Jacksonville: 11 Walmarts - 1 per 118,000 people

So let's be honest, no other place even comes close to the number of Walmarts that Oklahoma City has. Are the people here ONLY shopping at Walmart? It seems they would have to in order to keep all 16 going strong. The last time I was in a Walmart was when I got drunk and my friend and I went in to make fun of the Miley Cyrus collection. Perhaps one of these days I will get drunk enough to walk in to one of these OKC Walmarts for a future blog. Who knows, I may even walk out with a new Miley Cyrus outfit. Pass the bottle of Jager...

OKC TV

Back from my 4th of July Chicago hiatus and pretty bored in OKC since the movers have kidnapped my stuff for over two weeks and counting. Cable is being hooked up Sunday (just in time for True Blood!) so I decided to head to Best Buy tonight and get myself a pretty sweet new TV and watch some free channels with the digital signal.

Now attaching the stand took a little effort since the movers have my stuff and I found myself with no screw driver. Channeling my inner Macgyver I made a a screw driver out of tweezers and a hair tie. I'm seriously bored...

So TV all set up I rush to auto find all the free channels OKC has to offer. I get pretty excited as my TV finds 9 free channels. JACKPOT BABY!

1st channel: Cop show (sweet)
2nd channel Kirk Cameron talking about God (what?)
3rd channel some other guy talking about god (seriously?)
4th channel some guy talking about god in spanish (ay dios mios)
5th channel a band singing about god (really...are people really watching this?!?!?.)

So all of this effort just to end up with 4 out of my 9 channels carrying church shit (yes, that is how we refer to it back east.) Please hurry cable guy!

First Days in OKC

What do you do when your job forces you to leave your beloved Northeast behind and head to the bible belt? You blog about all of the crazy shit you see to keep yourself entertained. So may I present week one:

I figured living downtown as opposed to the outskirts of the city would cut down on the percentage of crazy sitings but man was I wrong. Bad for me...good for my blog.

I walked in to my apartment lobby after work today to see a rather good size group of people sitting around in a circle. Back in Connecticut I might think "book club," but here in Oklahoma I'm thinking "church group." That seems like the OKC thing to do on a Thursday night. I lingered a bit at the elevator to verify I was right and all I could pick up on was that they all HATE immigrants. Could this possibly be a church group that meets every Thursday night to discuss crazy right wing topics? I can't wait to find out next week! Maybe I will bring the cookies.