Do Oklahomans Eat Squirrels?

Last night at happy hour one of my Oklahoma coworkers confessed to our Connecticut boss that he had eaten squirrel on more than one occassion causing our boss to nearly fall off her bar stool. When I relayed this hilarious story to yet another Oklahoma coworker, instead of the expected shock I got "oh she just doesn't understand Oklahoma."

So this got me thinking: ARE THEY REALLY EATING SQUIRRELS HERE?

A quick google search turned up a little more info:
In the U.S., especially in the South, the tradition goes way back, and only started becoming less common in recent decades. "Squirrels were a staple in the Alabama diet for decades as late as the 1940s," says Michael C. Bolton at AL.com, and "the squirrel was the No. 1 hunted species in Alabama until 1972," when deer took over the top spot. "We've eaten it since colonial days," says Smith. "In fact sometimes, during hard times, a lot of people primarily subsisted from squirrel meat, just for want of anything better."

I don't care if it is supposed to taste like chicken (which my coworker did in fact confirm) I'm not accepting any invitations for home cooked meals here in OK.

Putting Christ back in Christmas

Bravo Oklahoma City! Not enough cities have the balls to boldly scream Christianity as loudly as you. Everyone should have a couple of crosses shining brightly in their face as they stumble home from the bars as a reminder to repent and be saved. Those caught saying “Happy Holidays” should immediately be stoned to death. Just as Jesus intended.

Oklahoma Cars

Things I Miss!

After spending a week and a half in the Northeast (CT, NYC, Boston) there are definitely some Northeast things that I miss now that I have been back in OKC a week. I had tears in my eyes while sitting on the plane at Logan getting ready to fly back west. So here are the things I miss (besides the obvious family and friends):

Rude people: Now this is an odd one since I didn’t like them when I lived in the Northeast but after 4 months of people at the airport asking me where I’m flying and people on the elevator asking me how my day was, I was feeling a little Stepford Wives. How refreshing when the woman working the counter at Alamo in Boston started barking policies at me and didn’t give a shit where I was going or how my day was.

Good radio stations: As soon as I got in my rental in Boston and turned on the radio; I knew I wasn’t in Oklahoma anymore. No country stations, or gospel music or people complaining about the government’s war on religion. No ads for classes on the Constitution. Hey Oklahomans, you would have received a free education on the Constitution if you hadn’t dropped out in elementary school.

Jesus free cars: For an entire week and a half in the Northeast, the only Jesus sign I saw was a bumper sticker on a car: “When Jesus said love thy neighbor, I think he meant try not to kill them.” Far cry from the cars here that not only put Jesus bumper stickers on the back, but actually paint Jesus signs right on to the car!

5 more weeks until I get back to normal again!

An Inconvenient State

I write this at 39,000 feet up in the air and Oklahoma City at my back! Getting out of the airport this morning I was reminded at just how inconvenient it is to live in OKC. The airport is somewhat small which would normally make flying easier. I guess if they had more than 5 security lanes for the thousands of people this morning or if security would drink a little coffee in the morning to get themselves moving a little quicker, that would be true. As it was I got to the airport an hour before my flight, snuck over to the alternate security not everyone knows about and STILL walked on to my plane just 15 minutes before take off. Surprisingly enough 4 other people walked on after me.

So what other inconveniences do people in OKC willingly live with besides almost missing their plane every time they fly? Pretty much getting anything is also difficult! I tried to order a cheap IKEA love seat for my cheap OKC apartment but shipping on a $150 item was $320 bringing a cheap love seat to over $500 with taxes…and they needed an entire month to get it to me. I guess they planned on getting it to me via covered wagon. A quick check of the delivery expense for the same love seat to CT came up as just $99 (bad enough!) When I questioned a co-worker about it, she one upped me with a tale of a Crate and Barrel couch that would have cost her around $500 to get to OKC. Instead she got a pick up truck, drove the 3 hours to Dallas, got a hotel room for the night and drove her couch back 3 hours to OKC. No inconvenience there! Dallas is also the place to go if you want to do any real clothes shopping and have 6 hours to spend in your car to do it. The shopping I got done in Dallas last weekend could have been accomplished with a 20 minute drive to West Farms in CT.

Oh people in OK will brag about how low the cost of living is and how great it is that there is no traffic and how they could never live somewhere else but the lesson of this story is that sometimes it pays to live near some shit. At least in CT I can have an entire living room set delivered to me in two days for $75.

OKC Weather

Coming here I knew that weather may be somewhat of an issue but so far I have lucked out and no tornadoes! No such luck with the hail and earthquakes. I'm convinced that people were never meant to live here. My only saving grace is that I live downtown and it was built where there is not a lot of tornado activity.

I do see a lot of cars with pretty extensive hail damage and the entire Oklahoma economy seems to be centered around fixing hail damage if you go by all of the car repair advertisements.

Some fucked up OKC cars:

And shout out to the good weather people of OKC who help us navigate this horrible weather while not inspiring much confidence in their sequined tops!

Wild Wild West!

I have a sneaking suspicion that everyone around me is packing heat. The signs are all there...I mean literally...so many people carry guns around wherever they go that signs are needed outside bars to remind people not to bring them in.

Where I'm from not being able to bring guns in to bars is understood. Here you get a polite sign in case you aren't sure. And no wonder they need to remind people of proper gun edicate; just last week a security guard at the "fancy" mall opened fire in the parking lot on two female shop lifters.

http://www.news9.com/Global/story.asp?S=13332145

Shoot outs in mall parking lots over a few pairs of jeans...totally normal in the wild wild west!

Oklahoma State Fair

Last weekend I was touring London, this weekend it was the Oklahoma State Fair. Ever so slightly different.

Oklahoma is not London but the fair had many interesting things to offer including an arm wrestling contest, live animal surgery, an ugliest cake contest and a "Cheer 4 Christ" Pom & Dance squad. Now the only reason I do not have a picture of the little Christ Cheerleaders with the big crosses on their uniforms is because I do not believe in making fun of children. I'll wait until these girls get a little bigger to start making fun.

Some photos from the day:

I'm not sure how I resisted the $9 OU overalls. MUST RESIST URGE TO BUY!

Yes, I imagine that Oklahoma is much like heaven!

Even If I could figure out how to get manicotti on a stick, why would I want to eat it that way? Don't we have enough foods on a stick? I'm not even sure what deep fried bacon cheddar mashed potatoes on a stick would look like!

Oklahoma City Worse Place to Live Than Newark?

I appears that I am in the 5th worst place in the country to live. So what are the factors that put OKC so high up on this list?

Lots of fat people...check
Lack of parks...check
Lack of people biking or walking to work...check (who the hell would want to walk in this heat anway?)

http://www.walletpop.com/blog/2010/08/05/10-worst-places-to-live/

I never thought I would consider Newark as an upgrade but there you have it. At least I can still look down on Detroit! Maybe if I start eating non-stop and stop moving completely I can help propel us to #1 for next year.

Oklahoma Politics

I've been trying to ignore the fact that I have been living in a red state but the signs are clearly all around me:
1. The political candidates here talk about God in their ads. In CT a Republican won't even use the word "conservative" let along use the word "God."
2. A woman bragged to me about her husband loving Glenn Beck. I'm assuming she has never seen his show or else she would try and keep that one under wraps.
3. The local tea party is forming an armed militia...as if the tea party wasn't crazy enough!
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/04/13/oklahoma-tea-party-plans_n_535412.html
This from a city that lost 168 people, many of them children when an anti-government terrorist blew up the building that used to be right next door to where I currently live.
4. A co-worker is heading to DC to spend her wedding anniversary at a Sarah Palin-Glenn Beck-Tea Party rally. Nothing says romance like that trio! She is a little nervous about "black panthers, communists and socialists (oh my)" that are sure to protest but why let an anniversary stand in the way of a perfectly good riot!

All of this is just a little but overwhelming for someone who is liberal even by New England standard.

Don't Tread on My Drinking

As a casual drinker of beer…ok…a frequent drinker of beer, I was extremely disappointed to hear about the Oklahoma beer laws. According to Wikipedia (and a just as frustrated co-worker) any beer with more than a 3.2% alcohol content which is every beer I consume can not be sold chilled and ready to drink. Chilled and ready to drink is the ONLY way I purchase my beer. I’m typically making my packy runs on the way to the party. What’s that you say people of Oklahoma? You have no idea what a “packy run” is? Well that’s a topic for a different blog.

So am I forced to drink warm beer every time the mood for a 6-pack (or 30 pack) suddenly strikes me? Absolutely not! The kind people of Oklahoma have provided me with chilled beer in grocery stores and convenience stores…but specially brewed with only a 3.2% alcohol content.

Now the most offensive thing about this entire situation besides the watered down beer thing of course, is that I got a close up look at this 3% beer a few days ago and there is NO WARNING LABEL! Maybe something along the lines of “Warning, this beer will probably not get you intoxicated.” is in order.

I think I’ll stick with the warm beer and hope those package stores are smart enough to stock lots of ice.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alcohol_laws_of_Oklahoma

http://www.alcoholcontents.com/beer/beer.htm

Walmart Capital of the World?

A quick search on the Walmart website shows me that (gasp) there are 16 Walmarts in Oklahoma City. With only 550,000 people living here that is roughly a Walmart for every 34,000. Is this normal? Let's take a random look at some other cities:

Walmart Capital of the World OKC: 16 Walmarts - 1 per 34,000 people

Denver: 2 Walmarts - 1 per 305,000 people
St Louis: 1 Walmart - 1 per 354,000 people
Phoenix: 11 Walmarts - 1 per 145,000
OK, so let's look a little further south:
Houston: 15 Walmarts - 1 per 153,000 people
Atlanta: 4 Walmarts - 1 per 135,000 people
Jacksonville: 11 Walmarts - 1 per 118,000 people

So let's be honest, no other place even comes close to the number of Walmarts that Oklahoma City has. Are the people here ONLY shopping at Walmart? It seems they would have to in order to keep all 16 going strong. The last time I was in a Walmart was when I got drunk and my friend and I went in to make fun of the Miley Cyrus collection. Perhaps one of these days I will get drunk enough to walk in to one of these OKC Walmarts for a future blog. Who knows, I may even walk out with a new Miley Cyrus outfit. Pass the bottle of Jager...

OKC TV

Back from my 4th of July Chicago hiatus and pretty bored in OKC since the movers have kidnapped my stuff for over two weeks and counting. Cable is being hooked up Sunday (just in time for True Blood!) so I decided to head to Best Buy tonight and get myself a pretty sweet new TV and watch some free channels with the digital signal.

Now attaching the stand took a little effort since the movers have my stuff and I found myself with no screw driver. Channeling my inner Macgyver I made a a screw driver out of tweezers and a hair tie. I'm seriously bored...

So TV all set up I rush to auto find all the free channels OKC has to offer. I get pretty excited as my TV finds 9 free channels. JACKPOT BABY!

1st channel: Cop show (sweet)
2nd channel Kirk Cameron talking about God (what?)
3rd channel some other guy talking about god (seriously?)
4th channel some guy talking about god in spanish (ay dios mios)
5th channel a band singing about god (really...are people really watching this?!?!?.)

So all of this effort just to end up with 4 out of my 9 channels carrying church shit (yes, that is how we refer to it back east.) Please hurry cable guy!

First Days in OKC

What do you do when your job forces you to leave your beloved Northeast behind and head to the bible belt? You blog about all of the crazy shit you see to keep yourself entertained. So may I present week one:

I figured living downtown as opposed to the outskirts of the city would cut down on the percentage of crazy sitings but man was I wrong. Bad for me...good for my blog.

I walked in to my apartment lobby after work today to see a rather good size group of people sitting around in a circle. Back in Connecticut I might think "book club," but here in Oklahoma I'm thinking "church group." That seems like the OKC thing to do on a Thursday night. I lingered a bit at the elevator to verify I was right and all I could pick up on was that they all HATE immigrants. Could this possibly be a church group that meets every Thursday night to discuss crazy right wing topics? I can't wait to find out next week! Maybe I will bring the cookies.